Half of my life, I have been on birth control. Everyday at 5pm, I would pop my little magic pill that was meant to control my cramps, keep my skin clear and keep me from getting pregnant. I finally decided earlier this year that I wanted to come off of birth control. I had been toying with the decision for years as I’d started noticing some changes in my body and behavior and could only wonder if perhaps my birth control was playing a role in those changes. I’m writing this post because, strangely, I was absolutely terrified to stop taking the pill. I had read horror stories of women “losing their minds” and gaining weight and breaking out and becoming depressed. When I was in need of comfort and reassurance, I couldn’t find more than two or three posts on this topic, so (in true Carrie fashion) when others aren’t talking, I step up to the plate!
It’s February, 2018. My skin is losing its mind, I’ve gained a bit of weight (without reason) and though my mind is in a good place, I am having “moments” where I literally feel as if I cannot control my emotions. And on top of it all? I have been taking the same high dose birth control for 15 years and they don’t carry it in Australia (and my prescription has run out.) Ha! Basically, I didn’t have a choice. I think it was God saying “girl, stop putting that crap in your body. You don’t need it anymore.”
So I listened.
I remember, I was so scared because my husband and I had booked a trip to Thailand during the time that I would probably be getting my first period. I was TERRIFIED of the pain that I would feel. The reason I went on the pill in the first place was because of my horrific cramps. Oddly enough, my little friend of the month came and went. Nothing terrible, not unbearable.
Woo hoo! Maybe things had changed and my body no longer needed to put me in that much pain?!
The first few months came and went. As far as changes go and what I noticed? Well, I really should’ve named this post “that time I lost my boobs” because that’s basically the only change that happened immediately, lol. I was actually quite pissed off about it at first. What the heck?! I was so used to my body after all these years and then, bam! Bye Felicia. See you when you’re pregnant, because that’s the only time you’ll get them back.
I sucked it up, was thankful for my lack of cramps, visited my friends at Victoria’s Secret for a few new bras and continued on with my life.
My periods were strangely normal. They lasted maybe a tad bit longer than normal (6 days max) and the pain was there but nothing a few ibuprofen couldn’t fix. The one thing that many of my friends told me is that they lost a ton of weight when they stopped taking the pill. Ha! I was hopeful but not successful in that department. I did notice that my bloating went down a bit. I’m always a bit puffy but I did notice that since stopping the pill, that has subsided a bit.
Lets talk skin! Now, I had been dealing with skin issues since I moved to Australia in April of 2017. Obviously, coming off of the pill puts your hormones into crazy mode. They are confused and are desperately trying to balance each other out. During this lovely period, it is apparently common for your skin to freak out a bit. Since mine had already been having issues, I couldn’t tell if the new cystic breakouts were predominantly from stopping the pill or not. It didn’t matter what was causing them, truth be told, my skin was horrible.
I decided to visit a dermatologist about 2 months after quitting the pill. She put me on antibiotics and a few very harsh products that wrecked my skin and didn’t help the situation. Finally (after begging) they were willing to test my hormones. Interestingly, my testosterone levels were lower than they should be. Normally, when breakouts are hormonal, they are usually caused by overproduction of testosterone in the female body. Leave it to me to be a mystery case. I wanted my hormones tested because I had heard of this miracle acne pill called Spironolactone that the girls on Instagram were raving about. Apparently it “fixed their faces” and after doing my research, I wanted it. But with the blood test results showing my levels were nearly normal and actually low in testosterone, my doctor was not willing to prescribe me Spiro.
Back to the chopping block for Carrie!
The next few months were actuality quite normal. I say “normal” but I really just mean that nothing out of the ordinary was happening with my body. I’ve only had intense cramps twice since stopping the pill and it is bearable. I also feel as if your pain tolerance increases as you get older. When I was 16, I would lay in bed and cry about my cramps. Now, I pop a few Ibuprofen, suck it up and continue on with my day. My skin is (thankfully) much better and I’m finally figuring out what ingredients work really well for my skin. More importantly, I’m figuring out which aspects of my lifestyle work well for my skin and which don’t (cough cough alcohol and dairy.)
Have I noticed huge changes in my body and mind since coming off of the pill? Eh, not really. I do feel a much larger sense of calm, if that makes sense. It could be because my life has calmed down a bit and I have answers to things that I was terribly torn on. Do I still have my highs and lows? Of course! I’m human. If I wasn’t having both, I’d be concerned. But the lows aren’t as devastatingly low. I felt that when I was on the pill and having a bad day, it didn’t feel like just a bad day. It felt like the world was ending! Call me dramatic, but that’s how it sometimes felt, which is totally out of character for me.
And that’s why I knew I needed a change.
I didn’t want to let some little pill control my life anymore. I didn’t want to alter my body and I didn’t want synthetic hormones having a say in my mood. I decide my mood…not some little pill created in a lab. Am I thankful for birth control? Of course! I think it is an amazing thing and once I found the right one, it worked incredibly well for me. But I am glad that I was able to stop taking it and really get to know myself 15 years later without any added hormones. Just me. Sparkly, messy, trying to do what I can in the world, me.
“It’s been pretty incredible to see what happens when you start believing that you are enough.” -Meghan Markle
Love and light, Carrie xo
You probably felt a few changes when you started taking birth control pills , like nausea or tender breasts . So it makes sense that you may feel different again when you stop taking them.
Hi Carrie,
How incredibly open you are! Well done.