It’s a chilly, Melbourne Monday morning. It’s 8am and I’m cuddling in bed with a warm cup of lemon water and my laptop. I didn’t sleep much last night. Of course, I was on my phone into the wee hours of the evening. I was already feeling a tad bit emotional and just as I was about to turn off my phone and head to sleep,
BAM! It hit me.
Once again, something I saw on social media caused me to feel inadequate about my life and also feel the worst offender of them all; jealousy.
Here’s the crazy part. What I saw on social media was that something fantastic had happened for an acquaintance of mine. This person is actually quite lovely and has been nothing but kind to me over the years. This person just achieved a life long goal and is about to live out a dream…so why do I feel like absolute crap?
We are taught at a very young age that jealousy is bad and we need to learn to be happy with what we have and not peek over someone else’s fence to see if their grass is greener. But what if we investigate this idea that a bit of jealousy is actually a good thing?
I truly believe that (for the most part) that jealousy stems from our heart’s deepest desires. Although, I also believe that some of these desires come from our heads and not our hearts. For instance, I’ve always known that I wanted to be a performer and as I grew, I would feel jealousy as I saw others landing dream roles and succeeding in ways that I hadn’t yet experienced. That is what I believe to be my heart revealing to me what I truly want in this life. I, also, remember a time of feeling envious towards a friend of mine when she purchased a gorgeous, very VERY pricey handbag. It looked so beautiful on her and I thought to myself “I wish I had the kind of money to splurge on a handbag like that.” In my opinion, that is jealousy being fed from my head and in the moment. I have not wanted that handbag for years. I did not dream of it as a little girl and I know for darn sure that it will not make my life any better or richer than it already is.
I’ve always conditioned my brain to think that jealousy is a terrible thing and it will ruin your life it you let it consume you. Though I do agree to some extent, I have recently started adopting this new idea of accepting the emotion and digging a bit deeper to find out why I am feeling this way.
Envy is such a strong emotion and if your brain is willing to go there, why not think about the “why?” Perhaps seeing someone else’s successes can fuel your fire to finally start actively pursuing the career you’ve always wanted but have been too scared to acknowledge. Maybe one of your friends just booked that vacation to Paris that you’ve been dreaming about your entire life. Or what if your friend just posted his or her “new hair, who dis?” photo and you’ve been wanting to try a new hairstyle for years but are too afraid!? These are obviously just examples but I really want you to fashion the idea of accepting what others have with love and really take the time to ask yourself “is this what I really want?”
One of the most interesting things I’ve found with this “envy exploration” is the aftermath of what happens when I let it simmer. If we acknowledge and accept the feelings that are coming up, we can then sit with them for a few minutes, hours, days or even months. Sometimes, those feelings of jealousy are so in the moment and fueled by an energy or atomosphere that when you take a step back and return home to your cozy home and loved ones, you realize that those feelings weren’t really that accurate after all.
Last night was an exception. We are all allowed exceptions and we must never beat ourselves up about our desires. Your dreams and desires are very real, my friends. But you know what else is also real? The ability to accept that dreams change. Everything changes. Nothing, whether beautiful or bad, is ever guaranteed as a constant in this life. That handbag that my friend carried on her arm? Beautiful. It suits her very well. But it’s not the handbag for me. I appreciate how beautiful it looks on her and I continue on my way. You keep continuing on your way and always remember that your grass is green, it will always be green, and it will always look greener to yourself and to the ones you love. Who could ask for anything more?!
“Behind every successful woman is herself.”-Kate Spade
Love, Carrie xo
Love this, Carrie. So well worded! x